dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
