2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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