I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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