Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
