I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
