Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
