my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
