So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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