I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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