I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
