I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
