Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
