No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
