i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
