I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
