Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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