I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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