omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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