i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
