Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize