i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
where are my eyebrows?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
