Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
