he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
