There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
