His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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