he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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