my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
