I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
