i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
