just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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