i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
