I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
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