discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
