im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
