My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize