Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
