i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
