$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
