it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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