Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
