i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
