youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
