My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
