using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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