I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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