dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
