My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I deserve this hangover.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
