So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
