I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
