You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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