I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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