It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
