I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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