I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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