until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
