Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
