Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
