I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
