Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
