Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize