i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
