I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
