bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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