Screwed.edu
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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