Will you blow on my dice?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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