Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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