Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
