You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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