they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
